Friday, October 30, 2009
I like to think of myself on the outskirts of the Twilight crazies, but after some serious soul searching, I guess that's what I get for thinking. One month ago, a select few friends and I caught wind that the tickets for the Twilight premier were already on sale. The bait had been cast... and we bit. We immediately drove to the Razorback Cinema to purchase tickets of our own, assuming that we would be among the fortunate few to have the tickets in their possession. I waited as the cashier printed my ticket, and I came close to proudly waving it in the air after he had "Forked" it over. And there it was... I had it. We were in Theater #1... with the rest of the crazies that had already bought their tickets... you know, the ones who dress up for the occasion. My friends and I quickly realized that we needed to justify ourselves to the cashier.
So I coolly remarked...
me: "I mean, we heard they were on sale and just wanted to not have to worry about them later. I mean, we aren't like die-hard Twilight crazies."
Cashier: "Given that you are here 2 months early for these tickets, I have a hard time believing you."
He was right. So.very.right. When did I flee from normality into the arms of craziness? I don't know. Maybe it was when I picked up my first Twilight book. Heck, this may even date back to when I picked up my first Harry Potter book. Maybe it was when Maggie made us dress up in high school for the release of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It's all just so hazy now.
All this to say, I've had my Twilight ticket for what will be 2 whole months before the actual showing. I will be there, making fun of the people dressed up... and I'm allowed to do this, because I used to be that person. And while I'm being honest, I'm probably not going to class on Friday. Priorities.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Click here: ClubTrillion
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Let me just say, the pageant world is a grim affair...even among the glitz and glam. These children are thrust into pageants by their typically unattractive and overweight mothers who seem to determine their self-worth as a parent through the successes of their daughters. Some of the mothers claim to be former beauty queens themselves, which simply leaves the viewers wondering... How. is. that. possible? Other mothers make no claims to have been successful in anything in ever their lives. So, 50/50.
Some mothers claim to have spent upwards of $3,000 on a single "Evening Gown" for their daughters. Which makes complete sense due to the fact that their daughters have a slim chance of winning no more than $1000 in the event that they win the entire "competition." I'm not a betting woman, but I'll make a bet that the only thing their daughters are going to win is a ticket to being a total brat or a one-way ticket to the loser's circle.
But, I must say, the girls always look classy. Nothing says classy like a full face of make-up and a fake hair piece on a 4 year old in a bedazzled pink dress. I just cringed writing that sentence, which leads me to my next topic: Talent.
When you are 6 years old or below, let's be honest... you don't have talent. You can (usually) walk, you have a pulse, and you are lucky if you can speak in a grammatically correct sentence. Today I saw everything from a girl jumping off-beat to music to a girl walking while waving an American flag. Patriotism is not a talent, kiddo... it's a virtue. If on the off-chance your kid does have some talent, I've got an idea. Sign her up for dance lessons... I don't know, maybe gymnastics. A place where talent can exist and be furthered rather than be questioned as a talent at all.
If all this isn't disturbing enough, it gets worse. One unfortunate mother claims to still be trying to have a girl. Meanwhile, she simply enlists her 6 year old boy and her 2 week old baby boy into pageants. In case you just skimmed over that last sentence, let me repeat... 2 WEEK OLD baby BOY. Every word is a RED FLAG in that last sentence. Listen up, lady, you have BOYS.. So why don't you let them be. That whole situation just spells "future issues" to me.
In reference to the 2 week old baby boy, the mother states, "He really wants to win, and he's just really excited to get out there and meet some new people."... I'm sorry, run that by me again. Cause he can't talk, and I'm pretty sure you're the only person he knows. So, that being the case, I might actually believe that he wants to meet someone besides you. You already lost your credibility when you enrolled your 6 year old son into a pageant, but now you are putting words in the mouth of your 2week old son who can't even hold his head up. Call me crazy, but I call you crazy. And I also have a talent for being right.
Now that you're likely to be as shocked and repulsed as I am, let me explain to you why I am so thankful to have avoided the pageant life-style.
First of all, I don't think my genes would have allowed for pageants. Mostly because I looked like this:
Also because I come from a line of professional athletes, I was bound to have talent. I took gymnastics for 2 years as a kid, and gymnastics wasn't it. So, I decided to quit gymnastics and pursue a black belt in Karate. Karate was easy for me... mostly because I was about a head taller and 20 lbs heavier than everyone in my age division (perhaps also a reason that prohibited me from entering a beauty pageant).
I also have a very pretty mom... One who didn't need to gain some satisfaction from my beauty, which in all honestly, probably would not have happened. But, thanks anyways, Mom. Thank you for allowing me to be a tomboy and get my black belt. Thank you for putting me on Slim-Fast in the 3rd grade because it was time to let go of my elastic-waisted khaki pants (pictured above). Thank you for never buying a dress for me that would cost more than a semester of my college tuition. Thank you for never telling me I had a talent when I actually didn't. Thank you for accepting me for who I was... who I am.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
- taking a shower with the capability to regulate the water temperature and pressure
- sleeping in my bed
- recovering from the 84 mosquito bites on my leg
- talking to my family and friends apart from Skype or other forms of technology
- sleeping past 8:00am
- not eating rice or beans for an entire day
- owning a car and cell phone and being able to use them
- news coverage of Michael Jackson and what an excellent father he was
- paying $10 to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
- paying $15 to eat at a restaurant
- Barak Obama being our President
Monday, July 20, 2009
After chuch, went to eat papusas. Now, papusas are a specialty in El Salvador... and they have also become very special to me.. easily my favorite food in Latin America. Papusas are basically really thick tortillas (almost pancake-looking) with melted cheese and really good salsa. Pretty simple, but so delicious. Four papusas later, we made our way to the local soccer complex. The boys had to play a game with some guys from Rene's church. Gracias a Dios, I didn't have to play.
The next day, well... all I can say is "que weva!" Que weva means "how lazy!" We slept until 11:00, ate lunch at Emma's parent's house, and then literally slept the rest of the afternoon. We were exhausted, and it was hot. So, napping in front of a fan was clearly the best option. All this to say, que weva!
We had a little more productivity the next day. We went to Lago Coatepeque -- which apparently, has potential to be a wonder of the world. When they told me that, I couldn't really figure out why... it looked like a smaller version of Lake Ouichita to me. Then, we found out that underneath the lake was a city completely in tact... just submersed under this lake. Very cool. We spent the entire day basking in the El Salvadorian sun, swimming, playing, etc. Anyways, we were planning on going back to Rene's to sleep, but instead, we bought a room for $10 each and spent the night on the lake. We had a great night laying on the dock and looking up at the stars. To say the least, it was a perfect day.
But our adventure had to come to an end, so we hopped on a bus.. and then on another.. and so forth, all the way back to Guatemala. When we reached the El Salvador/Guatemala border, we crossed it on foot... which in my opinion, made it so much cooler. All borders should be crossed on foot. Mario was practically in tears to be back in his own country and using his own form of currency... because in El Salvador, they use U.S. currency... strange, but convenient for the gringos. But instead of saying "quarter," they say "quawta."
El Salvador was a perfect end to my stay in Latin America. I got to spend 3 wonderful days with my closest friends from Guatemala. All of whom I am going to miss very much!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Yesterday, we visited a friend in Panta Leon. We were supposed to go to the lake, but it rained all day... so instead, we went to our friends house to swim. Mid-swim, we noticed a soccer field close by. So, we decided to play a game in the rain... don't get me wrong, I'm not becoming a soccer fan, but I'll have to admit that this was fun!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
We spent a lot of time in hammocks, playing cards, and drinking coffee.
After our 5-hour tour, we hopped back in the van and drove to our next hotel. It was completely dark when we arrived, and we took a boat across the sea to our hotel. The stars were unreal, they were so close.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
School has been cancelled for 2 weeks due to the Swine Flu. (Don't worry, mom. I almost refrained from even mentioning this for your sake, but as most of you know, I'm not one to shy away from the truth.) Anyways, it has provided us opportunities to visit the homes of the kids in the mornings. The visits have been exhausting but so rewarding. It has truly opened my eyes to the way that these people live, and in the midst of having nothing, love the Lord with everything that they do have.
I came across this verse today: "Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. Having nothing, and yet possessing everything." - 2 Corinthians 6:10
There is something so attractive to me about truly having nothing. I can only pray for a genuine heart like that. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but God is moving here. Alex, Beau, and I were talking the other day about hopefully creating an opportunity for us to share our faith to kids in the community by a Vacation Bible School, or something along those lines. God has really shown me that even though I am very much out of my comfort zone, I still have to find opportunities to share my faith. I guess that I was under the impression that as soon as I stepped off of the plane, I would be proclaiming my faith to everyone who could hear. Sadly, that has not been the case. This isn't your typical Mission Trip. We have no itenerary, no VBS, no construcion, no pre-fabricated opportunities to share our faith. We are living life here. But what a life lesson to learn! I am looking forward to the next few weeks after having come to this realization.
Please pray for courage, for obedience, for spirits of urgency, and for opportunities for me and my friends.
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders, make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." - Colossians 4:5-6
Monday, June 15, 2009
In conclusion, this weekend we have played paintball, eaten Choco-bananas, driven bumper cars, participated (or not) in a soccer game... We also played American football this morning in which I have no picutres of... I must have been too busy scoring 4 touchdowns. I don't want it to go unnoticed that all of this has been in the name of the Lord, of course.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
After bowling, we went up to a mountain that overlooks all of Guatemala City. I had no idea that Guatemala was so big. We were sitting up there talking about how beautiful the lights were, but then we slowly realized how sad is was to think about what is actually going on in the streets below us. La Iglesia Biblica's mission is to reach these people in Guatemala, and it really made me appreciate my opportunity to be apart of their team.
This last picture turned out really awkward. The 2 guys on the left are Bo and Alex... also known as "the gringos." The guy on the right is Mario. He is really into Karate, so I told him that I received a black belt of my own when I was 8 years old. We've been friends ever since. All of my new friends are really great. Between the Gringo's Spanish and the Guatemalan's English, we can understand each other perfectly.
Friday, June 12, 2009
1) Drink the water.
Woops. The first few days that I have been here, I was under the impression that all of the water at la Iglesia was sanitized.... and the drinking water is sanitized. However, the water in the sink and shower might not be... I'm not really sure, because I haven't gotten sick yet. So I'm thinking that it's ok.
2) Speak in English.
First of all, that was a totally unrealistic goal. I speak to most people in Spainsh, but there are a lot of gringos here that speak English. Ronald and some other Guatemalans also speak quite a bit of English, so it's hard not to!
3) Eat foreign meat.
I don't even like it very much, but I need some protein in this diet.
4) Drink coffee.
I didn't think this would be very hard, considering the heat. Plus, who knew that Guatemala has the best coffee ever? I didn't, but now I do. And I drink it often.
Things I said that I would do, but have not:
When it comes to excersicing in my free time or taking a siesta, I think you can guess what wins. However, I am going to play paintball tomorrow, so I think that counts as excercise. Right?
2) Get really tan.
So far, I've spent most of my time during the day in the office. Therefore, no sun exposure. Now more than ever, I wish heat made you tan. If that was the case, let's just say I'd blend in better with the Guatemalans.
3) Talk on Skype with my friends.
Not my fault, people. I'm on Skype every day. So, where are you? I'll leave you with that.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
I arrived in Guatemala City at 11:30 yesterday morning. I was supposed to be picked up by Teddy, a Pastor at Iglesia Biblica Lomas del Norte when I landed. Unfortunately, Teddy must have been running a little late, so I stood outside for a good 15 minutes getting harassed by people wanting me to use their cell phones (so I would tip them). But I knew better.... for 5 more minutes, at least. Then I obviously took someone up on using their phone to call Teddy. It's a good thing I did, because he thought I arrived at 1:00. I gave the nagging man with the phone $2.
Twenty minutes later, Teddy and Ronald picked me up at the airport and drove me to la Iglesia Biblica. Ronald is my age and studies Graphic Design at the University in Guatemala. He also speaks a lot of English, so I'm glad I'll be working mostly with him.
I am living in an apartment above the church with a 70 year old woman named Josefina who speaks absolutely no English. Needlesstosay, lunch was really awkward. Just imagine really long silences while I rack my brain for any question that I am capable of asking in Spanish. This went on for about 30 minutes. Lunch consisted of soup, which was actually really good. I did not care for the chicken or the salad... which was quite literally a head of lettuce that I was supposed to squeeze a lime on top of for dressing.
Josefina and I went on a walk after I took a siesta. Sidenote: I can definately get used to this siesta culture... I think nap-time should be reinstated in the USA (for adults, that is). Anyways, we walked around the neighborhood and to the park and talking with her got much easier. The neighborhood is actually very calm. I've met so many people already, and I don't remember many of their names. There are a few students from Dallas here, and I'm glad that I can speak a little English with them. It is really easy to make friends here because the people are SO nice.
It is VERY hot. My clip-on fan was obviously the most brilliant thing that I packed. I took a picture of my room, but I'll refrain from putting it on here because I don't want you to feel sorry for me... But I really can't complain... I'm just glad I have my own room. This is the view from my window:
This morning, I went to the school and helped set up a video presentation and to play with the kids. The students are so precious, but I don't think I will get to work at the school much. I will mostly be working on the church website with Ronald and taking pictures to put on the website. I am also in charge of designing the Sunday morning bulletin for the church services.
I think every day is going to be different, and it seems like there will always be something for me to do around here. It is going to be incredibly busy and probably exhausting. But I have loved it so far, and I'm sure it will only get better. My Spanish is already getting better, and it has only been a day. It's really nice to be around people who don't really care about anything else... they just love Jesus and love each other. It's a very encouraging place to be.
Stay tuned because there will be more good stories and surely more awkward stories to come!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I was once asked to describe my ideal man in 5 words. Welp, I don't need 5 words... I can do it in 2: JIM HALPERT. I know what you're thinking... he's fictional. But a girl can dream, right? Right. I've made a few bullet points on why Jim Halpert sets the bar.
- From an early age, I was taught to set my bar high. As a result, I've set mine at about 6'3", 210 lbs.
- If we were to play a friendly game of basketball, I feel like he is more than capable of beating me.
- We would be really good at making fun of people together.
- He constantly pulls pranks on people, proving that we both believe that people take themselves too seriously.
- People make really low quality Youtube videos about him with bad fonts, typos, and terrible background music. And yet, I cry every time. See the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wl8b-nsuN6w&feature=related
- Also, I like to think that he loves Jesus. What a coincidence, so do I!
Who has 2 thumbs and should take some tips from this guy?
All men with thumbs.
Monday, May 18, 2009
That being said, my concerns are three-fold: Uggs, Chacos, Crocs.
1) Uggs - If the name alone doesn't raise a red flag, then the sight of them should. Sure, they are warm, soft, and cuddly. Lots of things are, but I don't usually wear them on my feet. I'll agree that they make the rest of your legs look small... hence, somewhat flattering. But at the expense of making one's ankles look like tree-trunks. That's not a risk that I, personally, am willing to take. Call me insecure, but it is what it is.
Speaking of "expense", I'd rather not pay $200 for any pair of boots, least of all, moon-boots... At that cost, those boots better have been ripped straight off the feet of Neil Armstrong and put on the market. However, if you just can't resist the urge to spend large amounts of money on hideous shoes, then please... I beg you... stick to the tan Uggs. Baby pink and baby blue are not a good look for anyone over the age of 7.
2) Chacos - Acceptable for camp/camping/hiking. So, unless you are planning on canoeing and/or hiking to class, I don't want to see them. Most people say that they are ideal for water-related activities. BUT those things are heavy! I fear that if chacos were on my feet and I jumped (or was pushed) into a body of water, I would sink straight to the bottom of said body of water. And I obviously wouldn't be able to loosen the anvils off of my feet because of all those darn straps. So as for water-sports, I'll risk the rocks and go barefoot, thanks. Shoot, I'll even break out my old Water-Mocassins for a canoeing trip, just so people know that I'm not trying to be stylish... just looking out for my feet.
3) Crocs - There shouldn't be much protest here. It's no secret that crocs are repulsive. And though they are light-weight and put off an image as though they are a better option than chacos, you couldn't be more wrong. I'd take chacos over crocs any day of the week... hypothetically. I hope it never comes to that.
There are 2 places for Crocs: 1) the garden... 2) on the shelf of the store, unpurshased by sensible people.
I've noticed the Croc company has started to create various forms of Crocs, as though the first form wasn't awful enough. But I think... scratch that... I know that they crossed the line with fur-lined crocs for the winter months. No winter will ever be so harsh, that I revert to fur-lined crocs to keep my feet warm and cozy. The first form of Crocs was okay... and by "okay" I mean that it was a reasonably terrible idea that the general public happened to fall for. But, I don't like when people try too hard to sell a product. The fur is pushing it. Pushed me right over the edge.
With that off of my chest, I should probably apologize to Sarah Scott. She owns all of the above... multiple pairs of each. Sarah, you have to know that this is not personal. After all, this is just one girl's opinion. I pray that I'm not the only one, but I very-well might be.
There you have it. I have a goal to never own any of the shoes listed above... So far, so good.
Now... Toms... there's a train I'll jump on. And provide new kicks for kids in Africa while I'm at it. Comfortable and philanthropic. All aboard.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I am interning at a church in Guatemala City called la Iglesia Bíblica Lomas del Norte. This is one of the few times in my life that I feel like I'm going where the Lord indisputably wants me to be. Although I am intimidated by the language barrier, I'm excited to finally put my 8 years of Spanish to use and see how quickly I catch onto the language. I really feel drawn to Latin America, and I hope to find out why that is such a passion of mine this summer.
Over the past year, I have become a firm believer in the incredible power of prayer. It is such a comfort to know that so many people will be praying for my journey to Guatemala. I am traveling alone, but I will not be able to do anything without the awesome power of prayer behind me. I've mapped out the areas that I'm nervous about and the things that I want to accomplish. SO, if you are thinking of me, I hope you will pray these things:
- Language barrier - I pray to become comfortable with the language so I can really relate to the people there. I know that I don't have to go there and speak eloquently, or even fluently, as long as the Lord is with me. 1 Corinthians 2:5 reminds me that my faith doesn't rest on man's wisdom, but on God's power.
- Friendships - I pray in advance that I'll make friends, especailly ones that will challenge me spiritually. I find so much delight in hearing other people's stories. I want to understand their stories and be able to share my own story in return.
- Alone time - I will be having a lot of alone time, I'm sure. I want to grow during that quiet, intimate time with the Lord.
- Ministry - I want to find abounding delight in serving and advancing the Kingdom. I pray that my heart and my mind will be prepared for the work to be done there.
- Talents - I want to embrace the talents I've been given, use them, and multiply them for the Kingdom.
- I really fear that they are going to try to make me play soccer. If this fear becomes reality, it will inevitably lead to humiliation, and ulitimately, to being picked last in every game. My athleticism is going to be up for question, and I'm not comfortable with that. Good thing we will be playing basketball, too. I pray for opportunities to redeem myself.
- I fear that I'm going to be the tallest person in Guatemala. I have yet to meet a Guatemalan over 5'6". Please pray that this is not the case.
- Pray that I remember to keep my mouth closed in the shower. I can't drink the water or else. I don't even know what "or else" means, but I can tell you that it won't be good.
- Pray that the food is good. Not necessarily TOO good, or we could have an issue on our hands. And by "we," I mean "me." And by "our hands," I mean "my thighs."
I won't have a phone, but I will definately have the Internet... i.e. Facebook and Skype. I have a feeling I'm going to become very familiar with Skype this summer.. I'll be needing to talk to some native English-speakers, for sure.
I also plan on updating my blog frequently while I'm down there... so you can follow my travels and read my rambling thoughts on them. Lucky you!
In conclusion, you have multiple modes of contacting me: skype, video chat, facebook, blog, email, hand-written letter, carrier pigeon, etc. So, I don't want any excuses about not being able to keep in contact with me!
Looking back, how was this even close to being deceptive? I shouldn't have merely been given an A... I should have been shipped off to an prestigious Art Institue to further my career as an artist. Clearly, I had a gift.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I began by formulating a hypothesis using the proper "If/Then" format. It reads, "If you think that Johanna Sawatski is emo, then you are wrong." After extensive research and experimentation, I proved myself right... and the accuser wrong.
I decided to log my research into a chart for easier review:
Poetry: Guilty: I’ve been known to write a poem or two. Innocent: My poetry comes in more of a Dr. Suess style. It lacks emotional substance and, therefore, cannot be considered emo.
Music: Guilty: I enjoy music more than most things in life, and I love finding new bands. I prefer the term “eclectic” rather than “indie” to describe my taste in music. Innocent: I also listen to Country and Broadway musical soundtracks.
Clothing: Guilty: I shop at Urban Outfitters. Innocent: I also shop at Old Navy.
Guitar: Guilty: I play a little guitar. Innocent: Which consists mostly of 3 chord worship songs.
Hair Color: Guilty: Someone once told me my hair was black. Innocent: Newsflash: my hair is brown. Wednesday Adams has black hair. I do not.
Skinny Jeans: Guilty: I own some. Innocent: I'm a girl, so it's allowed.
Eye-Liner: Guilty: I use it. Innocent: Again, I'm a girl.
Sports: I like them.
Life: I like it.
Hope: I have it.
As you can see, there are some disputable areas. But for future reference... before you accuse someone of being somthing that they're not, consider what you are doing to them. PROFILING. And wrongly so. A few days ago, I was a victim of "profiling." I faced an identity crisis for 3 days until my tests were complete. And yet again, science proved that I'm right.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I'm a questioner. I ask a lot of questions, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't always have all the answers. As a result, Google and I have grown close over the years and have shared many a search together in my never-ending quest for knowledge. In fact, I turn to Google on a multiple-times-a-day basis. And Google has always proven to be a faithful compainion... that is until I decided to type my name in the search bar. (Note: I don't Google myself often. I just wanted to see what would come up if a future employer was to do so.) It was then that I realized that unless my future employer is concerned that I once came in 50th place in the Lake Hamilton Cross Country Invitational in the 8th grade, Google doesn't really have much to offer as far as I'm conerned. Crisis averted.
But then it hit me. I think it was when I noticed the little line at the top of the page that read, "Did you mean 'Jay Sawatski'?" Ouch. Touche, Google... all these years of me asking you questions, and you fire back with one question that is capable of completely blowing my self-esteem. So here's your answer: No, Google, I didn't mean Jay Sawatski. I typed "Johanna"... and I meant it. Leave the questioning to me next time, capiche?
Now that that is behind us, I'll save you some time. I'm sure you all are feeling the need to Google my name right about now, so here's a list of everything my future employer and you need to know about Johanna Sawatski (according to Google):
1. I have a Facebook account. Which proves that I am normal. It's the ones without Facebook that you need to worry about.
2. PigSooie. I made the Razorback Diamond Dolls in the Fall of 2006.
3. The Pulaski Acadmey bulletin announces that Johanna Sawatski has won the Most Improved Player award for golf... To which I should go ahead and let everyone know that I really didn't improve THAT much... just happened to be the only one who had the most room for improvement. But, this goes to show that I'm aware of my weaknesses, and I do whatever it takes to make myself look less weak.
4. I scored 9 points against Batesville in what was probably a meaningless game of basketball. But there's an article about it, and my name was mentioned. Twice.
5. It only gets better from here. I scored 11 points in a game over Lamar in the AAA Regional Basketball tournament. I quote, "A basket by Johanna Sawatski with 1.5 seconds to play give the Lady Bruins a 21-18 halftime lead." This goes to show that I play well under pressure.
6. I came in 50th place in a Junior High Cross Country meet with a time of 11:50.07. This is concrete evidence that even though I sometimes suffer defeat and also that I'm not very fast, I always finish the race.. in my own time.
7. My teacher once made me submit a poem into an online poetry contest. And it is apparently still online for the world to enjoy. And now, I post it here, for you to enjoy... My rantings as a 7th grader:
What ever happened
To school being easy?
All This information
Is making me queasy
My teacher about kills me
Every day in his class
He explains nothing
And expects me to pass
I really hate school
I honestly do
I wish it would leave me alone
And I'd do the same to it too
Every day gets
Even more long
All of my answers
Get even more wrong
So as for school
I've had about enough
It simply got
A little too tough
by: Johanna Sawatski
Keep in mind that I was in 7th grade. And was frustrated. I still tend to vent sometimes in poetry form. But that's why it's a good thing to hire me! No matter how frustrated I get, I don't give up. I just rhyme it out. So for future reference, if I start speaking to you in limericks, it's probably a cue that you need to apologize to me. Just a heads up.
After reading all 7 Hits for "Johanna Sawatski," I tip my hat to you, Google. You captured my character perfectly. I wouldn't change a thing. And your reminder to me that I am not, in fact, "Jay Sawatski" only serves to keep me humble... Because it's no secret that the list of my accomplishments on Google could easily go to my head. So thank you Google, for reminding me that no matter how much I accomplish in life, I will always live in the shadow of my older brother.
Friday, April 24, 2009
I'd like to preface this by saying that this video is not for the faint of heart. It is for the light of heart. Enjoy and begin your journey to emotional stability.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?...when we met..That summer??
No, I don't remember, but I fear that you're going to refresh my memory with your lyrical masterpiece that makes little to no sense at all. So here's to you, LFO... humor me.
New Kids On The block, had a bunch of hits (unlike you, whose only got the one)
Chinese food makes me sick. (Not as sick as this song makes me)
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer (Winter, Fall, or Spring?)
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, (so, you're interested in middle-schoolers)
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer.. Since that summer (see video for WHY she's probably gone)
Hip Hop Marmalade, spic and span, (It doesn't happen often, but this line stumped me... LFO: 1, Johanna: off the charts)
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33 (This song is almost justified by including my favorite white NBA player of all time.)
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets (Maybe he can give you some tips)
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby (Lots of meaningless words for someone who can't talk)
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy (Hypnosis?)
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone (with Michael Jackson, perhaps)
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speaking (because no one can understand you)
Michael J Fox was Alex P. Keaton (I had to Google this... wasting more of my time)
When I met you I said my name was Rich (Does that work on all the ladies?)
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch (I'm 21 years old. And a little offended.)
I just Googled "Rich from LFO" and found out that he was recently diagnosed with leukemia. So, now I just feel like a terrible person and will refrain from the rest of the analysis. But some damage has already been done... By my lyrical review, hopefully not by the cancer. Godspeed, brother.
So rather than continuing with a complete lyrical review, I just wanted to make sure to highlight the 2 verses in this song that really speak to me.
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
Summertime girls are the kind of like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
Do what you will with these. I can't afford to lose anymore jewels in my heavenly crown with this post.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Flag Football - most strategy required
- Find a coach - It all starts with a good coach. Scratch that, it starts with recruiting an athletic team and is followed by finding a good coach. In our case, a great coach. Former Razorback Football players, such as ours, tend to have the most success in leading their teams to victory. Our coach, quite conventiently, happens to be the brother of our star quarterback, Sarah Scott. Coach Scott successfully put in a No-Huddle offense this year, which made us absolutely leathal.
- Arrive early - Showing up early shows both your dedication to the sport and also allows you to be the first to sign in... Therefore, getting first dibs on your color of flags. Blue flags worked the best for us because they blend in with our navy t-shirts. Obscuring the opposing team's vision is one of many tactics used by our team.
- Flirt with the refs - When the referees call for Captains before the game starts, it is incredibly benneficial to send the best flirter, not necessarily the best player. However, one must be cautious. There is a fine line between flirting in good taste and coming across like you are using them for a good call. Which, ultimately, is exactly what you are doing. You must keep a certain amount of distance, because you don't want to get too attached to a ref. Out there, it's all business... BUT you can't put a price on a good call. It's a dog eat dog world. All is fair in love and intramurals. And other cliche things.
All this to say, anyone of our team members could be considered Captain for the day, depending on the referee. We all have that one ref out there that has stolen our hearts. (Sidenote: if you get a girl referee, you're toast... and you can disregard everything I've said up to this point.)
Referee Breakdown: (Nicknames are used because we do not, in fact, know these people's names. It goes back to our strategy of keeping a certain amount of distance.)
- "Beady Eyes" - Properly named. He is the worst... you know, the Organic Chemistry of college, the chicken-pox, the socks with crocs combo, the band-aid in the pool, the Hitler of the Flag Football world. Impossible to flirt with. No girl experience what-so-ever. If he is the referee of the night, you can count your losses.
- "The Man in Charge" - Easy to flirt with, but old. Borderline pedophile. He's the cliche flirter that constantly puts you down. Verbally abusive in a way. But if you get hurt, he's the one you can count on... the one you HAVE to count on, because he runs the place.
- "Ponytail" - cue Sarah Scott, "I have never known a love so true. Something about the pulled back ringlet curls and partially exposed 3-d star tattoos just does it for me. At first read I thought he was the teddy bear type. It wasn't until I saw the tattoo creepin out of the jail bird shirt that I pieced together that he was a bad-boy. How do you approach a ref like this? Let him make the first move. Flirt with all of the other refs and just shoot him a grin or two. This gets him to think "why isn't she flirting with me? I'm obviously the cutest guy here (which he is... trust me) and it will just drive him nuts until he makes a crappy call that you can playfully comment on or a good call that you can comment on, too. Ponytail is best off the court... afterwards you can usually expect him to be picking up trash or something somewhere near you where he will say "Almost had em on that last shot" or "I was rootin' for ya"... something like this. He has a sweet heart... just gotta let him make the first verbal move ;) And I saw him on campus wearing chacos, kakhi rolled man-preez, green shirt, hair down, backpack with a Green Party button.... and I'm pretty sure he was sharing the gospel with a foreign exchange student.... He also grew 7 inches and had dark hair. Then he asked me to marry him and his name turned out to be Tim Tebow..."
Ok, Johanna here. Well said, Sarah. I'd like to mention that if Tim Tebow ever stumbles across this blog, this next line is for him: Tim, your future wife is right here in Arkansas... and her name is Sarah Scott.
- "Neanderthal" - Let me start by saying, Neanderthal loves me. And vice-versa. Neanderthal has the body of a basketball god and the face (I hate to say it) of a Neanderthal... which I am obviously willing to over-look. Love makes room for faults.
- "Blondie" - He and Katie Fisher have a history. Circa Fall 2006, Blondie was there when Katie's pants got ripped off by an overly-agressive opponent. Let me say that these pants were not just ripped, they were shredded. It's one of those issues that no one brings up, but everyone remebers it happening, especially Blondie.
- "Cankles" - Last but certainly not least. This guy is the best ref in intramural history. A little hard to flirt with because he is a man of the law. He knows the rules, and he is sticks to them. He is impartial and fair, and he surely has a bright future in Professional Referee-ing.
5-on-5 & 3-on-3 Basketball: Strategies from above also apply.
- Wear Actual Basketball shorts - It's a proven fact that girls who wear short-shorts to play basketball look stupid. They look stupid, and they usually lose.
- Sweatbands - Here's my theory on sweatbands: you can never have enough. Around the head, around the wrist, above the elbow, or all of the above. Sweatbands confuse people. Opponents don't know whether to think that you are hardcore or if you are just joking around.
- Kill em with kindness - There's no better way to make people mad than to kill them with kindness. When they start to mouth off to you or to the refs, a smile in their general direction usually does the trick to send them into a fit of rage. Also, when you're winning and the opposing team makes a good play, complement them. "Nice shot, girl." That way, when we pommel them into the ground, they can't have any hard feelings after the game is over.
So there you have it, folks. After 3 years of Intramurals, our team has the strategy down to an art... and we have 4 t-shirts to prove it.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A pattern of this soon became common in our household. Carla stole Rocky from 3 Ninjas from me and forced me to settle for the slightly less attractive younger brother, Colt. Kindly, I backed down and let her move in on Rocky. I led Colt on, all the while having feelings for his older brother... but I can't say that I regret it. Even though Colt and I shared a bond by both sporting a blonde bowl cut for much of our childhood, it didn't work out in the end.
Friday, April 3, 2009
(see post-it-noted truck below)
You might be thinking that post-it-noting a truck is impossible to top... And you would be right. Hence, the dilemma we have been facing this year. How is it possible to top something so awesome, so time-consuming, and so colorful? After a night of brainstorming, we found our answer: it can't be done. SO, rather than trying to live up to our legacy of last year by pulling a prank of such magnitude, we have spread ourselves thinner in order to reach a larger demographic.
Unforutunately, I cannot disclose the pranks that we have pulled thus far for confidentiality purposes. What I CAN do, is list some of the better pranks that have been pulled on us. In no specific order of awesomeness:
1. My roommate's car was put for sale on Craigslist. She got 4 calls from people interested in purchasing a 2001 Hundai Santa Fe before she realized what had been done.
2. Our friend forwarded all of his phonecalls to another friend's phone. He sent roughly 50 text messages for people to call him... all of which were forwarded to someone else's phone.
3. A girl that lives in our house convinced all of us that she was pregnant. Keep in mind that I am not easily fooled, but this girl was very convincing. You see, she works at a health clinic and, apparently, had access to a pregnant lady's urine sample. After 3 pregnancy tests, she had fooled us all. Slightly gross, but slightly more awesome. My hat's off to you. Fooled me once, shame on you. Yada yada, you know the rest.
Four days of April Foolery have proved successful. I look forward to the 26 days to come. That is both a threat and a challenge.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I often find myself wondering how people have become the way that they are. Even more prevalent would be the question of WHY people do the things that they do. Rest assured, I do not take answering the most basic of life's mysteries lightly. But I will start with something simple. Something befuddling. Something that happend at the Dixie Cafe.
I was eating at the Dixie Cafe yesterday with a couple of friends (Maggie and Leah, who else?) when, lo and behold, I saw something I never care to see again. A couple (teenage boy and girl) sitting on the same side of the booth with no one across from them. I almost blamed this on their youth and ignorance of how relationships operate, but then I saw the same thing 3 booths down... an older couple this time. I mean, I make no claims of being a relationship expert, but this is bothersome to me. I couldn't help but wonder what these people's motivation was. I guess I'm just the kind of person who prefers looking at someone I'm talking to. I guess I'm also the kind who enjoys elbow room. Call me crazy. I call me normal... Strikingly normal.
NOTE TO FUTURE BOYFRIEND: don't try to sit next to me in a booth. You will get called out.